Never been sure....continues

How is it possible? As hard as it is to believe I have been betrayed, by my own family, the people I have looked up to for years, whose teachings have shaped my character and inspired me to be the best I can be, yet here we are today, unspoken enemies…



Not until my God given sista Charmaine decided I should leave Johannesburg for a few days and join her in Durban did it dawn on me, just how I was letting myself down and believing the lie again. Charmaine, Charmaine, Charmaine… the love of my life, my sista from another mother, a chapter on her own, I tell you. Walk with me and I will tell you more about her later. As I was saying, it was not until she dragged me to Durban and surrounded me with our friends that love me, her family showering me with tons of love and crazy attention, even giving me my 1st EID experience with her 2nd family, the Dawood’s in Chatsworth, did it occur to me….I have been here before, this dark painful place of confusion was familiar yet it had lost its sting, these were nothing but kicks of a dying horse, as clear as daylight it dawn on me once more, my circumstances didn’t define me, they never did, n they never will…period!



Despite all the plotting and devious dealings of the other people around me I am still here. My mind forced me to realize that, I can make a choice to curl myself up in the corner, hide my pretty face, and die as others wished or I can listen to my mind and the brilliant ideas that are flooding my head everyday and make something of my life for me. I am not here to impress anyone but me, I am not here to be great so I can brag to anyone or to prove anything to anyone but to me.



So what’s your freaking point Zee…maybe you ask? It’s clear…for every action there is a re-action, it is the law of nature. With every passing day we die, yes we were born to live and live gloriously for that matter, yet we die with each passing second. It’s a spiritual conflict beyond our comprehension, but one thing is for sure, if you was brave enough to be born, you are brave enough to survive anything this world can throw at you…all you have to do is…APPLY YOUR MIND…you are STILL here, regardless of it all.



No matter if your setbacks were self-inflicted or if they were carefully orchestrated by others, they should not define you…you are STILL here, whether for a day, a week, a month, a year, a decade or a freaking millennium, you are STILL here, make yourself count to yourself and nobody else…your life is within you and not in anything or anyone around you, trust me the breath in your nostrils is the Almighty’s and the faith in your heart is a piece of God in you, do not believe the lie…you are not dead yet…you are STILL here, and anything is possible.



Maybe you ask yourself, why should I listen to you, what do you know or better yet who do you think you are to lecture me…this is why I hope you will listen to me, the malicious job loss drama I began this story with, is actually the closing scene of this chapter of my life. A life that began 18yrs ago, a sequence of highest highs and deepest lows, indescribable joy and also unbelievable heart wrenching sadness at times. Are you still not sure? Why don’t I just paint the picture for you and you can draw your own conclusions…



18 years ago I was this young, naïve but extremely curious cute gal….(to be continued)



ZeeK Love

Never been any sure…

…than I am ryt now of my purpose in this world. If there has been anything I’m sure of, was that I was here for reason, come on, all this fabulosity and intelligence just for show? No way, however this past few weeks made it even clearer. Funny enuf that the trigger had to be a malicious attack from people I have trusted with my life for years, crazy huh? Trust me you have absolutely no idea how much, people I am ready to take a bullet for anytime turned out to be the ones pointing the gun at me.….but as I have always said life gets much easier when you are a thinker, coz trust me that grey mass between your ears is more powerful than any weapon of mass destruction if u nurture it well…

About a month ago I lost my job, and all of sudden with no warning, my heart was at the same confused spot I was at a year ago when I got divorced. Granted the people involved in the unbelievable malicious drama of my job loss were the same that were at the centre of the hell I went thru as a result of choosing life and deciding to walk out of a relationship that was draining life out of me with each passing second and they made it their personal mission to make my life harder than it should have been, so I guess it makes sense why all those feelings of hopelessness came flooding back.

Hear I was again in tears all night, some days wouldn’t even eat or wake up from my sofa which had become my new bed and my cave where I hid my face and feelings to my roommate who has become more of a younger sister to me. All the self-pity and rage came flooding back followed by periodic outbursts of rants directed at God for allowing this happen to me over and over again. Am sure as much as it hurt my Father deeply to see me in such pain, he must have also rolled on the floor cracking Himself up at some of my utterances, He is my creator, He knows 1sthand how raw and blunt I can get, believe me…

Ok work with me here, how in God’s wonderful earth am I to survive such crazy accusations and systematic maneuvering orchestrated from the top of the company hierarchy? The past year since my divorce has been an extremely interesting one I tell you. After separation in June last year, I thought hard about staying on at the same company that ex-hubby was involved with, and I was convinced that I was up to the task, anyway my involvement with the company was long before I met him so my loyalty to the company took precedence...it did ryt? Little did I know that those I was loyal to with my life were plotting how to be rid of me with every waking sec of their lives...

Wait at min, how could that be, this is my family, people I have worked side by side with for over 15yrs, have endured massive persecution with, my dedication never shaken regardless the dire n sometimes extremely conditions I was deployed at in different countries around the continent of Africa, their enemies instantly became my enemies at any given time...how could they be holding a gun to my head now?.....(to be continued)

ZeeK love