…than I am ryt now of my purpose in this world. If there has been anything I’m sure of, was that I was here for reason, come on, all this fabulosity and intelligence just for show? No way, however this past few weeks made it even clearer. Funny enuf that the trigger had to be a malicious attack from people I have trusted with my life for years, crazy huh? Trust me you have absolutely no idea how much, people I am ready to take a bullet for anytime turned out to be the ones pointing the gun at me.….but as I have always said life gets much easier when you are a thinker, coz trust me that grey mass between your ears is more powerful than any weapon of mass destruction if u nurture it well…
About a month ago I lost my job, and all of sudden with no warning, my heart was at the same confused spot I was at a year ago when I got divorced. Granted the people involved in the unbelievable malicious drama of my job loss were the same that were at the centre of the hell I went thru as a result of choosing life and deciding to walk out of a relationship that was draining life out of me with each passing second and they made it their personal mission to make my life harder than it should have been, so I guess it makes sense why all those feelings of hopelessness came flooding back.
Hear I was again in tears all night, some days wouldn’t even eat or wake up from my sofa which had become my new bed and my cave where I hid my face and feelings to my roommate who has become more of a younger sister to me. All the self-pity and rage came flooding back followed by periodic outbursts of rants directed at God for allowing this happen to me over and over again. Am sure as much as it hurt my Father deeply to see me in such pain, he must have also rolled on the floor cracking Himself up at some of my utterances, He is my creator, He knows 1sthand how raw and blunt I can get, believe me…
Ok work with me here, how in God’s wonderful earth am I to survive such crazy accusations and systematic maneuvering orchestrated from the top of the company hierarchy? The past year since my divorce has been an extremely interesting one I tell you. After separation in June last year, I thought hard about staying on at the same company that ex-hubby was involved with, and I was convinced that I was up to the task, anyway my involvement with the company was long before I met him so my loyalty to the company took precedence...it did ryt? Little did I know that those I was loyal to with my life were plotting how to be rid of me with every waking sec of their lives...
Wait at min, how could that be, this is my family, people I have worked side by side with for over 15yrs, have endured massive persecution with, my dedication never shaken regardless the dire n sometimes extremely conditions I was deployed at in different countries around the continent of Africa, their enemies instantly became my enemies at any given time...how could they be holding a gun to my head now?.....(to be continued)
ZeeK love
1 comment:
This blog post brought back a lot of memories, after they were recently refresh in a Sunday service by our senor pastor..
I personaly would understand many of the things listed above , well except for the divirce part. I served in the lord (full-time) for a period of 5 years and where ileft I must say it was a bitter pill to swallow and for me what is worse ids those who stood in prayer with me used exactly the things I had request to stand in the gap with me about... Was a harsh wake up call. when I sat in one church board meeting and everything I have ever shared with my friends was laid bare... Well beside the fact that my life was brought under a micro scope didnt hurt as much as knowing the whole details came from my friends, Family friends and fellow people who were supposed to walk with me...
I sat there and some how stronger than I walked in , and while the board was deliberating or rather telling me their decision. All Iculd do was playing back the prayer time, the outings ,the jokes, the backup i always had to do for one another andwas left with one thing.. HOw come I never saw it coming...
Zee Church(people) can be very shrewed and hurtfull. I remember one warning I got from the pastor who was label as treating me like his child and a favourate. He said Tango whatever friend you have in this church give them up now. whoever you pray with change thenm now... my hands are tired and sorry you got fired while I was away...
One day I will fully recover and my passion for people will come back. and I am sorry you dont have that partner who will cry with you and then say. I will not leave you, I will be there with you...
Dont be bitter nor sad. Johnnny had been hurt more than you... Kuzolunga and in a funny way. God reveals all the junk you dont need in your life...
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