If I didn't know better...

I would say I was loosing my mind. There is this crazy excitement in my spirit that I cannot contain. For the past four months I have been grieving and mourning my divorce. As sick and unbelievably painful that experience was, I have never, not even once, in any tiny winy manner, been afraid, desperate or even anxious about anything. I was hurting, and deeply for that matter, yet thanks to my faith, not once did I ever feel alone.

Yet in my anger I did subconsciously rebel though, I rebelled against everything I hold dear, my faith, my spiritual parents but mostly against myself. I think I subconsciously blamed myself for enduring the abuse for as long as I had. I blamed myself for caring more for other people than I did myself and as a result I shut down and have been on auto pilot mode ever since, until this week!

I am back, the excellent, zealous, careful planner and make things happen Zanele I know myself to be just woke up from her slumber. Mourning period over, no more taking it a day at a time, am taking my life back and am ready to live my best life ever and I'm soo excited its ridiculous, seriously if I didn't know better I would really think something was wrong with me, but to the contrary something is very right with me.....and its about time!!!

Walking through the shadow of death..

Remember the prayer of serenity, Lord help me change the things that I can and help me accept the things I cannot change?

I'm convinced that right there is the recipe to overcome any spiritual hardship or challenge in life. There are things we will never understand why they happen in life.Our nature always looks for answers, for someone to blame, as if blame will change or solve anything. Many times we are very much concerned about winning the battle, when we should be focusing on the entire war.

I have realized that courage is really a difficult thing. When you step out of your comfort zone and confront that which has been holding you captive, fear will haunt you 24/7, and fight hard to confuse you and prove you wrong.It will appeal to your nature, your need to understand everything, the need to be understood, accepted and the need to belong etc. I understand today what the Bible meant by 'commit your plans to the Lord and He will make them succeed', because if He is the foundation for your decision, He will carry you through that shadow of death.

He will give you the strength to accept the things you cannot change. The ability to discern the big difference between winning the battle and winning the war. As you walk through that shadow of death, don't concern yourself about understanding it all, but concern yourself about things that will add value in your life.

Even if you were to receive all the facts and have full understanding of why that tragedy or challenge came into your life, would it change the fact it did? Would it make the pain any lesser? You know what my dear friend, it will not... one thing we have complete control over in this world is our actions and reactions. The sooner we change the things that we need to change and accept the things we cannot change, the better are our chances of winning the war against the evil that's gunning for our souls.

I guess at the shadow of death is where we prove our faith and trust in God, coz if we really trust Him, we surrender and His rod and His staff comforts us, we rest in the confidence that His will and purposes prevail always.

God is eternal

One of the very interesting promises in the Bible and one of my favorites tells us that everything in God's creation will pass away, even the heavens themselves, His Holy dwelling, they have an expiry date attached to them, one which no man can change or delay. However, God's word remains forever. I have been pondering about these words a lot this morning, and I came to the conclusion that as humans we are weak, sometimes unbelievable short sighted and very self centered.

No matter how well we calculate our actions and calculate our words to present or create a certain image that we think we help us get by in this world, we should never loose sight of the fact that God is eternal, and that this world with all its splendor will pass away. What we do today, echoes eternally, who we choose to be today determines if we will spend our days with Him in eternity.

So regardless of what and who we think of ourselves to be, of what we think we deserve in life, the bottom line is if we dropped dead today, next week, next month or years from now, our heart, our own convictions, our sincerity or lack of, is all that we will have.And that is all that will matter. My ultimate conclusion therefore is the joys or pains, the victories or failures, the desirable or the undesirables of this world all have an expiry date, except for a human's soul, and no matter how the rules of engagement change in this world, God's rules in His word remain forever, for God is eternal...period!!!

I met Zanele, and wow is she looking good...

Just as I thought life couldn't be any crueler to me. As if it was not enough that my life as I have known it for 15 years was changing right before my eyes and there was nothing I could do about it, here I am again, this very cold Tuesday afternoon, balling my eyes out because of more hurting words that I heard. I decide to have a conversation with my Father, my soul in such wrenching pain, I'm pouring it out before His throne, it feels as if my heart is going to stop.

And right there I got the idea to write another blog. I came to my page to express myself, and boom...there was me...yes AND THEN THERE WAS ME...I started reading my previous posts, wow my God is really the only God. I was reminded of who I really am, reading post by post, my best friend Zanele ministered to me with such conviction and clarity. It was like a forgotten investment, a deposit made and forgotten, and today I can withdraw, and be rich....and yes I am rich, greater is He that lives in me than the one in this world...so I march ahead in faith and with a big smile....coz nothing, absolutely nothing about me surprises Him!!!

What use is it really to know God?

Truth be told, unless we know who we are, it is absolutely of no use for us to know God….period. Everything that we learn and hear about God is nothing but mere words unless we bring it to life when it is manifested in our lives.

Believers who know who they are do not wait or beg for opportunities. They do not crumble and die under misunderstandings and injustices. They do not plead with the devil to stop interfering with their lives. They do not follow or serve God under compulsion. Most of all they never wait to receive hand outs from no man. They take God at His word and never compromise at all.

We are the key to unlock all our blessings. Our attitude, our actions of faith, our determination, our drive, and our forcefulness is all we need to see and taste that God is indeed good. Unless you really embrace who you are or who you become when you receive and accept the Lord Jesus as your Lord and Savior, it is definitely of no use for you to know God. Simply because God can and will only be manifested to this world through you, other than that He remains a beautiful story.

Right there is the greatest blessing about being born of God. He walks this earth through you, just as He said to Moses I have made you god over Pharaoh, so I dare to say if you are born of God, you are god over your life so start acting one!!!!!!

You've got this, really...trust me.

I think one of the most unfortunate things with us believers is our inability to discern life seasons. We will never be able to reach the fullness of our potential or use our faith to the maximum unless we are able to understand what season we're at.

Granted you believe in God, but how much do you believe in yourself? God is trusting in you to manifest His greatness to the world. Yes to the world, not to each other as Christians or just within the walls of our place of worship. But out there, in our families, our workplaces, yes out there in the world. God is making all these investments in us daily through His word with a high expectation that we must deliver. And most of all He lives in us through His Spirit. Yes He lives in you, you heard me well. He lives in you. Didn't the Lord Jesus say the kingdom of God is within you?

So perhaps you are currently struggling with the challenges as you build your huge life, because as a result of work and business you can't fellowship as you would like to, come on now my dear friend, trust in God's investment in you. Recognize the season, the fact that you used to go to church everyday and now you can only go some days should not be the problem if you are at war to conquer for God's glory. It's a season and it will pass. Apply yourself in faith, God is in you to help you conquer.

The church cannot be our cave where we go to hide all in the name of fellowship. We have been sent to the world to conquer for God. Come to church as much as you can but don't beat yourself up when you couldn't come a day. He is in you and you are busy looking for Him in buildings. Never forget that our enemy is cunning and he will even use your dedication to God to stop or slow you down.

The time is now to see the distinction between those who serve God and those who do not. This world needs a wake up call that the Lord is coming but those who believe in God need to manifest His power in such a way that this world takes notice. So trust me, that will never happen unless we are radical and we really trust and have confidence not just in God but in ourselves as well. It's all a matter of attitude; your spirit and your faith in God. So hear me when I say, you've got this, for real,you can really do it...believe me, He LIVES in you, what could be impossible to you, just trust His investment in you.

A friendly reminder…

Let us never forget that our mere existence in this world is a threat to our number one enemy, who hated the idea that God created us in His image. Because that meant we would be at a position higher than him, when he was used to being the most beautiful of his time. As much as we celebrate that our Lord is risen and are looking forward to conquering more for His Glory, we must never forget that our enemy is crafty. He might be powerless before our Lord but he is very shrewd and unbelievable patient.

He watches every move, listens to every word we utter, and observes every sigh, every re-action, only to create such situations that we find ourselves feeling all vulnerable and confused. And many times he will influence your life to such an extent that you make decisions that you think are for your good when they are nothing but. He made those decisions and just made you believe that you made them, when all you did was to agree with his suggestion.

Every time we need to make any decision, best we consult the best manual of life, the Bible, always remembering that narrow is the way to life and anything that comes easy or makes our sacrifice lighter is fishy, very fishy….