How is it possible? As hard as it is to believe I have been betrayed, by my own family, the people I have looked up to for years, whose teachings have shaped my character and inspired me to be the best I can be, yet here we are today, unspoken enemies…
Not until my God given sista Charmaine decided I should leave Johannesburg for a few days and join her in Durban did it dawn on me, just how I was letting myself down and believing the lie again. Charmaine, Charmaine, Charmaine… the love of my life, my sista from another mother, a chapter on her own, I tell you. Walk with me and I will tell you more about her later. As I was saying, it was not until she dragged me to Durban and surrounded me with our friends that love me, her family showering me with tons of love and crazy attention, even giving me my 1st EID experience with her 2nd family, the Dawood’s in Chatsworth, did it occur to me….I have been here before, this dark painful place of confusion was familiar yet it had lost its sting, these were nothing but kicks of a dying horse, as clear as daylight it dawn on me once more, my circumstances didn’t define me, they never did, n they never will…period!
Despite all the plotting and devious dealings of the other people around me I am still here. My mind forced me to realize that, I can make a choice to curl myself up in the corner, hide my pretty face, and die as others wished or I can listen to my mind and the brilliant ideas that are flooding my head everyday and make something of my life for me. I am not here to impress anyone but me, I am not here to be great so I can brag to anyone or to prove anything to anyone but to me.
So what’s your freaking point Zee…maybe you ask? It’s clear…for every action there is a re-action, it is the law of nature. With every passing day we die, yes we were born to live and live gloriously for that matter, yet we die with each passing second. It’s a spiritual conflict beyond our comprehension, but one thing is for sure, if you was brave enough to be born, you are brave enough to survive anything this world can throw at you…all you have to do is…APPLY YOUR MIND…you are STILL here, regardless of it all.
No matter if your setbacks were self-inflicted or if they were carefully orchestrated by others, they should not define you…you are STILL here, whether for a day, a week, a month, a year, a decade or a freaking millennium, you are STILL here, make yourself count to yourself and nobody else…your life is within you and not in anything or anyone around you, trust me the breath in your nostrils is the Almighty’s and the faith in your heart is a piece of God in you, do not believe the lie…you are not dead yet…you are STILL here, and anything is possible.
Maybe you ask yourself, why should I listen to you, what do you know or better yet who do you think you are to lecture me…this is why I hope you will listen to me, the malicious job loss drama I began this story with, is actually the closing scene of this chapter of my life. A life that began 18yrs ago, a sequence of highest highs and deepest lows, indescribable joy and also unbelievable heart wrenching sadness at times. Are you still not sure? Why don’t I just paint the picture for you and you can draw your own conclusions…
18 years ago I was this young, naïve but extremely curious cute gal….(to be continued)
ZeeK Love
Tuesday, September 13, 2011
Monday, September 12, 2011
Never been any sure…
…than I am ryt now of my purpose in this world. If there has been anything I’m sure of, was that I was here for reason, come on, all this fabulosity and intelligence just for show? No way, however this past few weeks made it even clearer. Funny enuf that the trigger had to be a malicious attack from people I have trusted with my life for years, crazy huh? Trust me you have absolutely no idea how much, people I am ready to take a bullet for anytime turned out to be the ones pointing the gun at me.….but as I have always said life gets much easier when you are a thinker, coz trust me that grey mass between your ears is more powerful than any weapon of mass destruction if u nurture it well…
About a month ago I lost my job, and all of sudden with no warning, my heart was at the same confused spot I was at a year ago when I got divorced. Granted the people involved in the unbelievable malicious drama of my job loss were the same that were at the centre of the hell I went thru as a result of choosing life and deciding to walk out of a relationship that was draining life out of me with each passing second and they made it their personal mission to make my life harder than it should have been, so I guess it makes sense why all those feelings of hopelessness came flooding back.
Hear I was again in tears all night, some days wouldn’t even eat or wake up from my sofa which had become my new bed and my cave where I hid my face and feelings to my roommate who has become more of a younger sister to me. All the self-pity and rage came flooding back followed by periodic outbursts of rants directed at God for allowing this happen to me over and over again. Am sure as much as it hurt my Father deeply to see me in such pain, he must have also rolled on the floor cracking Himself up at some of my utterances, He is my creator, He knows 1sthand how raw and blunt I can get, believe me…
Ok work with me here, how in God’s wonderful earth am I to survive such crazy accusations and systematic maneuvering orchestrated from the top of the company hierarchy? The past year since my divorce has been an extremely interesting one I tell you. After separation in June last year, I thought hard about staying on at the same company that ex-hubby was involved with, and I was convinced that I was up to the task, anyway my involvement with the company was long before I met him so my loyalty to the company took precedence...it did ryt? Little did I know that those I was loyal to with my life were plotting how to be rid of me with every waking sec of their lives...
Wait at min, how could that be, this is my family, people I have worked side by side with for over 15yrs, have endured massive persecution with, my dedication never shaken regardless the dire n sometimes extremely conditions I was deployed at in different countries around the continent of Africa, their enemies instantly became my enemies at any given time...how could they be holding a gun to my head now?.....(to be continued)
ZeeK love
About a month ago I lost my job, and all of sudden with no warning, my heart was at the same confused spot I was at a year ago when I got divorced. Granted the people involved in the unbelievable malicious drama of my job loss were the same that were at the centre of the hell I went thru as a result of choosing life and deciding to walk out of a relationship that was draining life out of me with each passing second and they made it their personal mission to make my life harder than it should have been, so I guess it makes sense why all those feelings of hopelessness came flooding back.
Hear I was again in tears all night, some days wouldn’t even eat or wake up from my sofa which had become my new bed and my cave where I hid my face and feelings to my roommate who has become more of a younger sister to me. All the self-pity and rage came flooding back followed by periodic outbursts of rants directed at God for allowing this happen to me over and over again. Am sure as much as it hurt my Father deeply to see me in such pain, he must have also rolled on the floor cracking Himself up at some of my utterances, He is my creator, He knows 1sthand how raw and blunt I can get, believe me…
Ok work with me here, how in God’s wonderful earth am I to survive such crazy accusations and systematic maneuvering orchestrated from the top of the company hierarchy? The past year since my divorce has been an extremely interesting one I tell you. After separation in June last year, I thought hard about staying on at the same company that ex-hubby was involved with, and I was convinced that I was up to the task, anyway my involvement with the company was long before I met him so my loyalty to the company took precedence...it did ryt? Little did I know that those I was loyal to with my life were plotting how to be rid of me with every waking sec of their lives...
Wait at min, how could that be, this is my family, people I have worked side by side with for over 15yrs, have endured massive persecution with, my dedication never shaken regardless the dire n sometimes extremely conditions I was deployed at in different countries around the continent of Africa, their enemies instantly became my enemies at any given time...how could they be holding a gun to my head now?.....(to be continued)
ZeeK love
Monday, July 18, 2011
Impossible task : Tryna make a summer out of a winter
Been pondering this morning on one of the lessons I learnt from one of my role models, motivational speaker Dumisani Kunene, that no winter lasts forever and no summer misses its turn. A true lesson from nature...it is the order of things that is the same for all continents. The difference could be the time and duration that each continent will be subject to such changes but the fact remains all will experience the change of seasons as prescribed by nature and the Almighty.
I guess the key to his teaching for me is having the ability to discern each season in our lives. Many times we find people swimming against wild currents and fighting loosing battles in different aspects of their lives, simple because they have not been able to perceive the season they are currently experiencing in their lives. Nothing is as impossible as tryna make a summer out of a winter. It cannot be done, no amount of will power or positive thinking can change a winter to summer.
It is a blessing in everyone's life to have an impeccable discerning spirit. We are not meant to win every battle in life or to even show up for every battle we are invited to. Sometimes all we need is to adjust our selves, accept the season we are going through so we can dress accordingly so to speak, with certainty in our hearts that this too shall pass, nature around us teaches us that no season is permanent, but if we master this season, we wud have gained the intelligence to tackle the same season when it comes our way again...and come it will, coz so is nature..
Only the ones blessed with that spirit of discernment will even get what I'm saying for what it is...as for the rest 'twill be nothing short of more blah, blah, blah
Zeek Love...
I guess the key to his teaching for me is having the ability to discern each season in our lives. Many times we find people swimming against wild currents and fighting loosing battles in different aspects of their lives, simple because they have not been able to perceive the season they are currently experiencing in their lives. Nothing is as impossible as tryna make a summer out of a winter. It cannot be done, no amount of will power or positive thinking can change a winter to summer.
It is a blessing in everyone's life to have an impeccable discerning spirit. We are not meant to win every battle in life or to even show up for every battle we are invited to. Sometimes all we need is to adjust our selves, accept the season we are going through so we can dress accordingly so to speak, with certainty in our hearts that this too shall pass, nature around us teaches us that no season is permanent, but if we master this season, we wud have gained the intelligence to tackle the same season when it comes our way again...and come it will, coz so is nature..
Only the ones blessed with that spirit of discernment will even get what I'm saying for what it is...as for the rest 'twill be nothing short of more blah, blah, blah
Zeek Love...
Wednesday, June 29, 2011
Social network's unconditional love...
Gotta say there is no loving, faithful, ever supporting and truly dedicated friends as the ones we find on social networks....certainly none, period! Once people fall in love with you here, they are on your corner for as long as you will let them. They fight your battles, attacking whoever comes against you, even watch out for your love life with unbelievable zeal, let some random chick/dude write something mushy on your partner's profile, damn, your network friends will immediately be up in arms, to the point of hijacking that post with calculated sarcasm...regardless of whether y'all are even in the same continent or not; its truly fascinating to watch and be part of.
People are drawn to each other in an amazing way. Some friendships graduate from the net to becoming real friendships, getting even closer than blood family members just from the love born in these networks. These people only see the good in their friends, wish them the best always, believe the best for them...more like the ever present wind beneath the friend's wings. Now the disadvantage with that is that the 'friends' receiving the love can be deceived by it at times, big time.
Truth is, even the most unkind, rude, self centred, greedy, or obnoxious person on earth also has friends or groupies in these networks, who only know him from what he/she says in their chats or his/her statuses. He/She, in real life, is probably that sister/brother that is constantly embarrassing her/his immediate family, always making choices and decision that bring shame and isolation, nothing he/she does really succeeds...he/she has no job or is the worst employee ever, fails dismally in school, can't make any relationship work coz he/she is unreliable and dodgy...is a pathological liar, gossiper and slanderer. Even his/her network friends would be shocked at what he/she says about them behind their backs when inboxing with the other 'network' friends.
But let the very person update a status that says she/he is heartbroken or that they have 'haters' who are trying to destroy her/his life or any of that victim mentality sad stuff, the ever loving friends are there, ready to motivate, console, urge on and even take sides. Our friends in these networks never want any facts, they only care about our well being and will go to whatever length to make sure we are fine, others will immediately call, email, others even come over to make sure you are fine...yes there are such good people still in this rotting earth...believe me...however my point is, when you receive such love and you know very well that you do not deserve it, why continue lie to yourself???
I strongly believe that truly blessed is a person who can look themselves in the mirror and be real about what they see. It does not make any difference in anyone's life to lap up the adoration and the praises that you receive from people who are not leaving your life. At the end of the day, your life is yours to live and enjoy. You alone will enjoy the benefits of your sincerity and hard work. People can bend over backwards to try and make you feel good but if your problem is your rotten self, all their efforts are in vain. Your happiness is fake...its nothing but words until you make the choice to be real about who and what you are.
People stay in these networks 24/7 simply coz they love the roles they are acting online, but when they log off it's back to the ugly reality, the reality that no matter how much they try to escape, they can't, no one can ever run from themselves...my two cents worth of advise....if you cannot live with you, your life is nothing but an unfortunate waste.....do yourself a favour...and be real with your self, because those who really matter will love you regardless.
ZeeK Love...
People are drawn to each other in an amazing way. Some friendships graduate from the net to becoming real friendships, getting even closer than blood family members just from the love born in these networks. These people only see the good in their friends, wish them the best always, believe the best for them...more like the ever present wind beneath the friend's wings. Now the disadvantage with that is that the 'friends' receiving the love can be deceived by it at times, big time.
Truth is, even the most unkind, rude, self centred, greedy, or obnoxious person on earth also has friends or groupies in these networks, who only know him from what he/she says in their chats or his/her statuses. He/She, in real life, is probably that sister/brother that is constantly embarrassing her/his immediate family, always making choices and decision that bring shame and isolation, nothing he/she does really succeeds...he/she has no job or is the worst employee ever, fails dismally in school, can't make any relationship work coz he/she is unreliable and dodgy...is a pathological liar, gossiper and slanderer. Even his/her network friends would be shocked at what he/she says about them behind their backs when inboxing with the other 'network' friends.
But let the very person update a status that says she/he is heartbroken or that they have 'haters' who are trying to destroy her/his life or any of that victim mentality sad stuff, the ever loving friends are there, ready to motivate, console, urge on and even take sides. Our friends in these networks never want any facts, they only care about our well being and will go to whatever length to make sure we are fine, others will immediately call, email, others even come over to make sure you are fine...yes there are such good people still in this rotting earth...believe me...however my point is, when you receive such love and you know very well that you do not deserve it, why continue lie to yourself???
I strongly believe that truly blessed is a person who can look themselves in the mirror and be real about what they see. It does not make any difference in anyone's life to lap up the adoration and the praises that you receive from people who are not leaving your life. At the end of the day, your life is yours to live and enjoy. You alone will enjoy the benefits of your sincerity and hard work. People can bend over backwards to try and make you feel good but if your problem is your rotten self, all their efforts are in vain. Your happiness is fake...its nothing but words until you make the choice to be real about who and what you are.
People stay in these networks 24/7 simply coz they love the roles they are acting online, but when they log off it's back to the ugly reality, the reality that no matter how much they try to escape, they can't, no one can ever run from themselves...my two cents worth of advise....if you cannot live with you, your life is nothing but an unfortunate waste.....do yourself a favour...and be real with your self, because those who really matter will love you regardless.
ZeeK Love...
Monday, June 27, 2011
A very good morning to you...
Mornings will always come...be it Mon or Fri am...we can't wish them away...instead of the blah, blah, blah about how we don't like mornings...lets be grateful that we have a new day 2 learn new things, start new projects, finish what we started...rectify our mistakes, make amends, love, laugh, excel in our different fields, purposely turn a blind eye 2 the insignificant...its possible trust me...its a matter of decision!
I think we waste too much time and energy on things we do not have control over, then what we really have control over. Don't hear me wrong, I hate waking up especially in this crazy Jhb winter but its not as if I have a choice now do I? This might seem like a trivial point to make to some of you, but how many lost big opportunities today simple because they are not 'morning people'.
How many lost out on a chance of walking a loved one to a bus stop or taxi rank just for love sake, lost out on blessing their kids before they go to school, motivating them to go out and take over the world, one subject at a time, lost out on a chance to showcase their gift or talent coz they postponed that project for later in the day, lost out on a chance to say I love you or I am sorry to a family member or loved one after going to bed last night in horrible terms.
A friend of mine's morning just got disturbed because he received news that a family member passed on, while you are busy moaning about how blue this morning is...do take the time to acknowledge that the sky is just as beautifully blue, be thankful and grateful of what you have and those you have been given while you still have them and they still got you...
ZeeK Love
I think we waste too much time and energy on things we do not have control over, then what we really have control over. Don't hear me wrong, I hate waking up especially in this crazy Jhb winter but its not as if I have a choice now do I? This might seem like a trivial point to make to some of you, but how many lost big opportunities today simple because they are not 'morning people'.
How many lost out on a chance of walking a loved one to a bus stop or taxi rank just for love sake, lost out on blessing their kids before they go to school, motivating them to go out and take over the world, one subject at a time, lost out on a chance to showcase their gift or talent coz they postponed that project for later in the day, lost out on a chance to say I love you or I am sorry to a family member or loved one after going to bed last night in horrible terms.
A friend of mine's morning just got disturbed because he received news that a family member passed on, while you are busy moaning about how blue this morning is...do take the time to acknowledge that the sky is just as beautifully blue, be thankful and grateful of what you have and those you have been given while you still have them and they still got you...
ZeeK Love
Wednesday, June 8, 2011
Choice is ours...always!!
Live life with no expectations and you will have no disappointments....if u shud expect anything...expect from yrself....coz the deal is never the ish that happens to you but how you react to it....whether yr spirit rises or falls is your call, it has absolutely nothing to do with your circumstances. Am I saying circumstances don't hurt or dis-illusion? Hell no...coz they do ...some hurt deeper than others. However if we make a conscious choice to be the captain of our own ship, to bear in mind always that nothing in this world is permanent, not even the breath in our nostrils, then we are giving ourselves a survival chance.
Again I will say...life is always much easier when we think, when we apply our God given superiority in this world, our MIND. Logic will teach you that the direction always depends with the driver and never the passengers or even the road traveled. If you do not like the road you travelling at, you change it...its yr decision, you are the driver....its yr call and nobody else's....
ZeeK love...
Again I will say...life is always much easier when we think, when we apply our God given superiority in this world, our MIND. Logic will teach you that the direction always depends with the driver and never the passengers or even the road traveled. If you do not like the road you travelling at, you change it...its yr decision, you are the driver....its yr call and nobody else's....
ZeeK love...
A word of advise to my fellow straight talkers...
I have to say very few things are more irritating than an arrogant person who has no regard for other people's feelings...who think that just because they have an opinion about something, they are obligated to voice it or the earth will stop rotating if they don't.
Know what fellow earth citizens...if you wanna get through to anyone, with the hope of living a lasting, necessary and worthy impression, timing is everything. Knowing when to speak and when to shut yr trap is not even wisdom in my opinion but a gift, that many of us were never blessed with. Truth is...as much as you have the right to freedom of speech, people around you have the right to be respected.
The reason most people call themselves 'straight talkers', is just mere self assurance since they know they hurt people with their stupidity, but wud rather turn the blind eye and pretend to stand by their many times unnecessary and unworthy opinion, only to make themselves feel better...
ZeeK love..
Clever people are good at solving a crisis but wise people know how to avoid the crisis altogether....
Know what fellow earth citizens...if you wanna get through to anyone, with the hope of living a lasting, necessary and worthy impression, timing is everything. Knowing when to speak and when to shut yr trap is not even wisdom in my opinion but a gift, that many of us were never blessed with. Truth is...as much as you have the right to freedom of speech, people around you have the right to be respected.
The reason most people call themselves 'straight talkers', is just mere self assurance since they know they hurt people with their stupidity, but wud rather turn the blind eye and pretend to stand by their many times unnecessary and unworthy opinion, only to make themselves feel better...
ZeeK love..
Clever people are good at solving a crisis but wise people know how to avoid the crisis altogether....
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